USER. OK, so I have a copy of PhoneKnown. What is it, why do I need it, and why the stupid name?
CREATOR. PhoneKnown takes a telephone number and tells you all of its possible English language keypad mnemonics.
USER. “Keypad mnemonics?” What are those?
CREATOR. On telephone keypads in North America (and parts of Europe), each number has three letters of the alphabet — 2 has “ABC”, 3 has “DEF,” and so on. This lets advertisers (and others) assign words to their phone numbers as a way of remembering what they are. Perhaps the most famous example is 1-800-CHECK-IN, which is a lot easier to remember than 1-800-243-2546. Urban legend has it that the small business that was assigned that number received millions of dollars from hotel chains to give it up.
USER. Can this program handle any telephone number? How about local numbers, or five-digit numbers, or 900 numbers? I’ve been looking for a way to remember the number 1-900-386-5878 for a while now.
CREATOR. You can type in any number longer than two digits and shorter than thirty, formatted in any way.
USER. Cool! Now, how exactly do I use this?
CREATOR. Run PhoneKnown by double-clicking on its icon. Type in your phone number. Hit return. Then use the scroll bar to see what numbers come out. Couldn’t be any easier.
USER. Hold on a minute. Some of those “mnemonics” look pretty bizarre. 1-900-3-VOLT-ST doesn’t exactly jangle my memory bells.
CREATOR. Sadly, I was unable to teach the Macintosh how to speak English. All I could do was give it a dictionary and have it do some pattern-matching. Not all of those mnemonics will be Earth-shatteringly useful, but they will all be technically correct.
USER. But since when is “ST” a word?
CREATOR. There are abbreviations in there too. The most common ones, at least.
USER. How about this: When I try “1-608-233-4483,” it gives me both “1-608-BEEHIVE” and “1-608-BEE-HIVE.” Isn’t that a bit redundant?
CREATOR. Not entirely; after all, “BEE,” “HIVE,” and “BEEHIVE” are all valid words.
USER. Wait a minute. Your program doesn’t find any good mnemonics for 1-202-456-1414, the White House switchboard.
CREATOR. Keep in mind that the numbers 0 and 1 have no letters assigned to them. Having a phone number with one or more 0’s or 1’s stuck into the middle makes it much harder to find good mnemonics.
USER. You know what would be really great? A program that does this in reverse… where I type in a mnemonic, and I get back the real phone number.
CREATOR. It’s funny that you should mention that. Choose “Translate Mnemonic” from the “Goodies” menu, and you should be pleasantly surprised. You can type in any phone mnemonic and get it translated instantaneously. If you want to put the translation on the clipboard, click “Copy.”
USER. What if I want to put one of the mnemonics onto the clipboard?
CREATOR. Just select the mnemonics you want, and choose “Copy” from the Edit menu. You can also save the entire list as a text file.
USER. How come your program never comes up with mnemonics that contain the letters Q or Z?
CREATOR. Most telephone keypads don’t have Q or Z on them, so a mnemonic that uses those letters isn’t very useful. However, the newest AT&T telephones have begun to assign “PQRS” to 7 and “WXYZ” to 9. The “Translate Mnemonic” window can handle Q and Z, but since this assignment is anything but widespread the mnemonic generator doesn’t touch it.
USER. I’m truly impressed! How can I fulfill my moral obligation to you and repay you for your many hours of selfless labor?
CREATOR. Money would do just fine. If you use a mnemonic generated by PhoneKnown (i.e. you publish it or use it in an advertisement), you must register. That’s a condition of this license. If you use this program often, you should also register. If you just keep the program around and use it only rarely, registration is optional. I’ll keep a list of all registered users, and send E-mail to you when new versions come out. To register, send $10 in U.S. currency along with your name, E-mail address, city, state or province, and country to:
Josh Goldfoot
PO Box 203802 Yale Station
New Haven, CT 06520
Don’t try this address after May, 1996, since I won’t live there anymore.
USER. College boy, eh? So, how do I register if it’s after May, 1996?
CREATOR. By then, I’ll have written a new version, which will be available from America Online, Stanford’s Sumex ftp site, and other major locations.
USER. Sounds good. Can I copy this program and stuff?
CREATOR. Yes; this software may be given to anyone, by anyone, for any reason, so long as it remains unmodified and is distributed with its original, complete documentation. It can be part of a collection of software sold for money, but such a transaction will not exempt the buyer from paying me my $10. You use this software at your own risk; I am not responsible for any damages caused by its proper or improper use.
Special thanks to Chris Colburn, Karla Kay Hangsleben, Michael O'Henly, Patrick C. Ernzer, and David L. Slipp for beta testing.
